The Lump...

The fear was palpable. I took off my shirt and froze. Just froze. I didnt know what else to do, but freeze. Thinking, if I freeze it will go away.

The outside of my left breast had a red raised area on it that to me looked like Cancer. But since my mom died, everything to me looks like cancer. I yelled for B to come upstairs, loudly. He came up and stopped in the doorway and stared. No words were spoken when we made eye contact. It felt like he looked straight into my brain and was reading my thoughts. I know he saw the fear in my eyes, because I felt it was there. So he says "Dont panic until you know what to panic over. It could be nothing" He was right. But it could be something too. I knew that. HE knew that.

He asked me what I thought it was and I told him that I never saw my moms Inflammatory Breast Cancer. She never showed me. Which kinda makes me angry. Which then kinda makes me sad to be angry. All I know that if I had this, I was showing my daughter. Not now, but i certainly intended to take pictures of it and save them so she has an idea what to look for when she has to start looking.

We had a date to go x-mas shopping and I felt this put a little bit of a damper on the whole day, but I was determined that this WASNOT going to ruin my day. My Hubby took off and it was going to be a good day if it killed me. (literally)

I called the gyno and told them my situation and told her that I just wanted a script for a mamo. Thats it. Well, they were off on Mondays (ofcourse). I left a message with the midwife service. I did get a call back that the Midwife was going to leave a script at the desk on Tuesday. yea! That definately calmed my nerves. I made a mamo appt for that Wed. Which for me, could have been Wed of 2034...

The day went wonderfully. We shopped for each other and the kids and had lunch together at our old date restaurant place. I almost forgot that I had this little issue.

All I kept thinking the whole day was, If I did have this problem, I am so happy that B is with me again. I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that he would be there, through whatever I had to do. As I would for him.

So, I called my BFF and she recommended putting a warm compress on the area overnight, in case it is a Boil or a pimple that would bring it to a head. Did that. Nothing

I had the Dr. at my job poke and prod it, and she had no idea. Well that made me feel better..NOT..

I had to work on Wed, so I left early to get to my appt on time.

Not a long wait, but my stomach was in knots the entire time. The Tech was wonderful, and I was able to see the monitor when it was being done. Not that I knew what I was looking at, mind you. But I had done enough research when my mom was diagnosed, and I saw enough pictures of cancer mamos that I thought I could recognize an "off" one. Mine looked good, I thought.

The Dr was in another office, so she was getting the pictures through the computer. The Pax System I was told. Whatev. As long as she got them, I dont care if a pigeon flew them there.

So after a few PAINFUL pictures later, I was told to wait a few minutes in the waiting room.

Someone came out and told me to come with her for the sonogram. HUH? My Dr didnt order a sonogram.

Thats when I felt like I was going to have diarrhea and vomit at the same time. The hot sweats came, as I "followed her". To my death sentence I thought. I though of just cutting and running, but I had on a short gown open in the front. Picture that, running down RT 112.

So I layed down on the table, and again, was able to see the screen. I saw nothing. I did see the bump as she went over it, but nothing around it. She finished the test and then said the words "OK we are done, the reports will be sent to your Dr. in a few days, you can follow up with her".

Uhhh, NO, NO I cant. I explained my situation to her and asked her to PLEASE, PLEASE get some info from the Dr. before I leave here.

She left the room and I started to talk to Mom, Or God or the woman in the next room that could hear me through the wall. Whoever was listening.

"Please let this work out and be nothing. I cant do this, with 2 kids, I like my hair. And my boobs at that. I just got my family back together, I cant do this to them....." Mid sentence, she walked in and said

" I spoke to the Dr and she said I can tell you that the area looks like a cyst, that should go away on its own, If it doesn't, follow up with your MD and get a biopsy. Nothing to worry about"

Did you hear that NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!

I actually almost hugged her. But she left in the nick of time. So I stood there, and my eyes filled up, and I thanked the woman listening in the room next door and got dressed and left.

I called the hubby on the way home and it felt like a weight was lifted off of me.

The top layer of skin came off, and the area had a little discharge recently. It is pretty much gone now. I will still follow up with my gyno, but now with a different outlook.

Moral of the story...Always pray to the woman in the next room listening.....