'Tis the season I guess. I have death all around me. Change of season, I guess. At work, my residents are dying at a rapid rate. 3 in 2 weeks, and i still have a resident in the hospital that is a litte iffy.
My neighbor Deb just passed on Wed. I noticed the other day that there was a Medical Supply truck at her house delivering a hospital bed. Uggg, I know that truck well, and the memories hit me hard. I had to go in the house. She also had cancer, and she was also young. She has a 13yr old girl, that is at the prime of her life for a mother. The thought makes me tear up thinking about it.
We had my Neices B-day party on Saturday. 17. wow. My neighbors daughter, emily, had hers too. Hers was too sad, as well as ours. We both had to celebrate a party without the one person in our lives that we need there the most.
Saturday night, after reading the kids a book, S asked me to rock her and sing her "Bushel in a Peck"..."i love you, a bushel in a peck, a bushel in a peck and a hug around the neck......."
My mom sang that to us our whole lives, and she sang them to my kids too. so i sang it to her of course and by the end i had a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes. she didnt understand why, and thats ok.
I just miss her everyday, and these next few months are gonna suck. This begins the "bulk" of the birthday months, that fall right into the holidays. I kinda wanna sleep through it all, but i must continue to be a wife and mom and be a functioning member of society.
They all say the first year is the hardest, well they were right.
Its hard
Its sad
It sucks that i cried on the way to work yesterday and ruined my makeup i just applied.
But alas, we are all Moving On....
1 comment:
The first year is hard and the following ones are too.
Ya know what set me off the other day??? A hot dog. It reminded me of when we all went to Costco and you rode the electric shopping cart out for mom and the whole time we were going thru the store mom kept asking for a hot dog, like a little kid would. She mentioned it so many times that finally when we were in the checkout line and she mentioned it again, I said to her: "WOMAN! We WILL get you a hot dog just CHILL!"
I can't believe poor Emily is only 13yrs old and had to have her bday party 3 days after her mom died. UGH!!!!
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