Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day #9 Someone You didn't want to let go but just drifted.

Well I believe everyone knows that I have been married before. I mean before THIS 2nd marriage. Geeze, I can barely keep up myself.
My first marriage ended badly. I was young, he was abusive, etc..etc... The one good thing I did get out of it was my friend Tinaann. Tina was special, different than any other friend I had. She was my husbands, best friends, girlfriend, and we fell instantly into a friendship.
When my marriage ended, her boyfriend wanted her to stop talking to me and being friends. He figure, I left his best friend, so therefor I cant have any more friends connected to them. Well Tina said "No, You wanted me to become friends with her, I did and I'm gonna remain friends". That was brave of her, because at that time they were planning a wedding themselves and it caused a lot of fights with them.
I missed a lot in her life because of the circumstances, her wedding for starters. I wasn't allowed to go because my ex was in the wedding party. Never mind that we both moved on, her husband didn't want me there. I wasn't allowed to go to her baby's christening either. I did get to attend her sons birthday parties only because, out of me and the ex, I had the kids so I won.
It was hard being her friend at times because her husband didn't like me anymore. Suddenly I was the enemy. Never mind, that he saw first hand the way I was treated by my ex, he still didn't like the fact that I divorced him. Most of the times, for many years we had to make plans to see each other around her husbands work schedule. It was very annoying, and rude to me. It caused some arguments in my own marriage, but I just figured that was the price I had to pay to see her, and I was lucky that we remained friends as long as we did.
Last year Tina had another baby. A girl I was able to see when she was born. Now granted her husband has decided that I was worthy enough to go to his sons birthday party, and even make a little small talk. It has been 10yrs since this happened, time to move on! Or so I thought.
Tina has been having these get togethers at her house on Thursday nights over the summer. She just invited some girls from the neighborhood. I called her one day for an unrelated matter and she mentioned this to me. So first off, I wasn't invited when this "get together" first started. I was clearly an after thought.
Fine. But again, I did want to see her, so I started to go on thursdays. The 2nd Thurs I go, I find out the following weekend was her daughters birthday party and I wasn't invited! Why? I ask. Well, she says her husband said that my ex was going to therefore I can't go. 10yrs later BTW. Well, I argued that I had ALWAYS had the birthdays, because my ex had no children. She agreed and she will state her case to her husband. I get a phone call saying her husband said "Scott is MY friend and I am inviting him, so you and Stacy can just get over it" HMPH... really?
Well, needless to say my feelings were very hurt, but I bucked up and went over there the following Thurs for our get together. There were 4 of us. 2 who didnt go to the party, and Tina and her friend Jenn who did. She spent the entire night laughing and reliving the birthday party with her friend Jenn, that I wasn't invited to. There was a clown that they were making fun of and laughing about the kids etc,..etc..
Come to find out, my ex sat in the corner with his wife who proceeded to get very drunk and threw up in his car.
This may not sound like a big deal, however, to me it was huge. This was the first time I wasn't allowed to do something with the kids that I normally do. Which means to me that her husband has finally won the battle of disconnecting us as friends.
As the summer went on, she continued to call and see if I can come over. I decided that I didn't want to be in her house, and invited her over to mine. We have the pool, the kids could play, and we could spend time together. Every time I asked her over, it was one excuse after another.
It got to the point that I just stopped asking, and she just stopped calling.
I don't know if I really miss her, being that it was so difficult to be her friend, and she didn't put in the effort. There are aspects of our friendship that I did like and I miss, but most of it was too complicated. I think we just drifted. If she calls again and wants to make an effort, I will try again. But, for right now, she is a friend that used to be.

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