Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

I miss you. Happy Birthday, I hope you are happy in heaven. I know you are looking over me because I get hurt everytime I say or do something mean. I know its you trying to keep me a good person like you did in life.
There are so many things that are going on in my life that I wish I could just sit down and tell you about.
My life is very happy now. You didnt get to see me happy, or my family put back together before you died. I am so angry and sad about that. People tell me that you know, because you see me in heaven, but I dont want that! I want to be able to see you and tell you myself.
My Sara is just like me. Remember when I was 13 or so and you said that you wished I had a girl JUST LIKE ME to torture me. Well it happened. She is loud and funny and excitable. She is full of life and love and energy. She has such a smart mouth and has to have the last word! ( is that familiar?)
My Nick is so cute, and funny and smart. He is quiet and brooding, and loud and exciting. He is so sensitive at times, he reminds me of Lou.
Me and Bryan are amazing. Our marriage is great, our life is full of love, and happiness, and fun. We of course have our arguments but they come and go.
Dad is doing ok. I know he has his sad moments, but he keeps himself busy.
Luann is doing the best she can, and Stacieann is doing good. She is in school and trying to find a job. She goes through her phases.
I saw Joe and Margaret last year when we went to florida. Hes in a bit of trouble now, but they will make it through, I know.
Louis is still with Laura although I'm still not sure why. I'm not sure how happy he is. Because of the situations that happened we dont talk much and we hardly ever see eachother. It was always what Laura wanted and she finally succeded. It is what it is and it makes me sad.
Yesterday you have been gone 3 years. It went very fast, I feel. I miss you daily, but it hit me hard for some reason yesterday.
I love and mis you, and I hope you are happy. Bits and pieces of your life will play in my mind at times and it makes me happy and sad.
I miss our special language we had that used to make dad so mad when we talked at the table and he didnt know what we were saying.
I miss playing canasta with you and dad. Although me, dad and luann play dominos and drink wine and have fun at times.
I miss sitting and having coffee with you and chatting.
I was remembering the other day, when you changed Nick as a newborn and he peed on you and you got mad. like you didnt have boys of your own.
I saw a movie coming out that I knew you would love, and I couldnt tell you.
So many memories flood my mind at times that it hurts to think of it, and sometimes I laugh out loud at some of them.
You will always be in my heart and my mind. I love and miss you mom. xxoo

1 comment:

~Denise said...

I know those feelings. I have them too. :( Wish we could hug it out and have a good ugly cry together!
Love you!