Sideways

I'm feeling sideways,
Not up and down, like normal people feel.
Sideways. My world was flipped around when my dad died, and when it landed, it did not land straight up at all.
I feel like, i'm in a dream state, like I am going through the motions of life because I have to, but I'm not really doing it.
I'm sad. A Lot. I cry on a whim (which I hate)
I have pictures in my head of my dad on the couch, with a blanket over his head and body, just his legs and feet out.
I am terrified that it will happen again to someone I love.
I need to straighten up, and get back on track. I'm tired of being sad, and feeling like I have a void in my life, that can't be filled.
I'm just Sideways